Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Another lazy day

It is beginning to look like a bad week in general. Not bad in the sense of me being in a bad mood, or bad things happening.. But bad as in 'I haven't gotten crap done!' I am failing as a homemaker this week. I think I will just ride out the rest of this week and have a nice fresh start come next week. :)

I've been so lazy the past few days. I get really unfocused sometimes. I can start browsing the Internet and get caught up in a million different things and get side-tracked in a million different directions. Or I can try to settle down into something (reading, etc.) and I end up falling asleep. Or, when I am up and trying to do something productive, my mind goes crazy and I start pacing laps just trying to figure out what I'm doing. It's insane really.

I think that having something going on in the background helps. Perhaps TV or music. It needs to be enough to be a slight distraction... (as crazy as it may sound, having an outward distraction might actually help me to focus. It can calm the stray thoughts in my mind while keeping me alert enough to not just give into sleep.) ...but not so much as to consume me. I can't do anything productive if a really good movie or a really good song comes on. I need to find the perfect balance.

I've been this way all my life. Even trying to do homework as a child, I needed some sort of slight distraction to help me focus. Trying to work in complete silence is just asking for fantasy land to take over. And I've always been one to get lonely easily. I always need to be in the same room as others, or at least have them within a good listening or viewing distance (kinda like my background noise). While I really do enjoy my sacred personal time alone, I love being around people. I guess thats another reason why it's so hard for me to be stuck at home all alone every day.. and why I try to connect with the outside world via the internet.

Anyways, next week is a new week, and a new chance for success. :)

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Thanks for your thoughts!