I shined my sink today. Hopefully it will help me smile. That is all.

Who has to recharge their phone three times in one day? Me.. that's who! :)

Love and Respect - Chapter 1 Q&A

1. On page 5 Eggerichs shows a diagram of the Crazy Cycle. Can you relate to this in your marriage? Have you noticed that when you feel unloved that it causes you to act in a more disrespectful way? What works for you to break the cycle?

A. Yes, I have noticed the Crazy Cycle in our marriage. It is difficult to break even when I am fully aware of what it is. I know I can't break the cycle on my own, so I have to have some quiet alone time with God. I usually end up crying to God and sharing my feelings of pain and injustice to Him. Then He comforts me and tells me that HE is the one who will meet my needs.. Then I am able to forgive my husband, and love him even when I don't feel loved in return.


2. Starting on page 9, Eggerichs shares a story of how his wife gave him a gift and his reaction caused her to assume he didn’t like it. She assumed it because no one she was close to reacted with a calm thank you when given a gift. It was always received with much fanfare and excitement. Have you experienced this? Have you found that sometimes your husband acts in a way that is so directly contrast to the environment you grew up in, that it leads you to a conclusion that seems obvious to you, but is not actually a fair conclusion in the end?

A. Yes. I can't think of a specific experience right now, but my husband and I were raised in very different environments.. along with the vast differences between men and woman in general.. there are many instances of false assumptions and unfair conclusions in our marriage.


3. On page 10 Eggerichs points out that sometimes what we say isn’t wrong, but how we say it is very inappropriate. Have you seen this in your marriage? I can remember one time speaking something harshly to my husband and he looked like I had punched him in the gut. What I said wasn’t wrong, but how I said it was. Can you relate to this?

A. I have been told that I sometimes have a tone of voice or look on my face that seems inappropriate or even disrespectful. Even when my heart is right and I don't mean anything negative or disrespectful at all, it somehow can come off that way to my husband. It can be difficult trying to match up what I say with how I say it.


4. In the story of the author forgetting his wife’s birthday, I felt like his wife sort of tried to trap him into forgetting by hiding her cards the week prior. I think she actually was hoping that he would fail. Do you agree? If it was really about hoping that he would remember her birthday, wouldn’t she have left the cards out for him to see or mentioned something about it? Could that moment of pointing out to him that he forgot give her a feeling of power? Can you relate to this at all?

A. I kinda disagree. If I was the woman hiding the cards, I would do it to see what my husbands level of devotion was to me. I might be having doubts about his love and would desperately want to be proven wrong. I might feel that anyone could remember if the signs (cards) were left out everywhere, but only someone who truly loves me would remember with no sign of reminders at all. This would be my way of thinking. I am certainly not saying it is right in any way though!


Page 16 When a husband feels disrespected, he has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel unloving to his wife. (Perhaps the command to love was given to him precisely for this reason!) When a wife feels unloved, she has a natural tendency to react in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband. (Perhaps the command to respect was given to her precisely for this reason!)

5. Do you agree with this quotation? Have you found it materialized in your relationship with your husband? When you feel unloved, how do you most often react?

A. When I feel unloved, I usually feel unlovable. I am much harder on myself than I am on my husband. But when I am down, it brings him down too... and so the cycle begins. Overall, I agree with the statement. I believe that no matter how we react, the ultimate feeling that is felt is either unloved (for a woman) or disrespected (for a man). Meaning that even if a woman doesn't react in a "disrespectful" way, any negative reaction will FEEL like disrespect to a man. And any negative reaction towards a woman will make her FEEL like she is unloved.


Page 17 Unfortunately a wife’s usual approach is to complain and criticize in order to motivate her husband to become more loving.

6. Do you agree with this statement? I do not agree that this is a usual approach for women. I do not think women are naturally negative and critical. Those behaviors are learned, AND unlearned. As we grow in our life in the Spirit, I believe that any tendency we may have had before towards those things, is transformed and we become much more like Christ in how we motivate people.

A. 6. I do not agree with it in my own marriage. But I have seen this in other marriages. I wouldn't purposely complain or criticize to motivate my husband.. but when I feel unloved, I am certainly not at 100%. When my "love tank" isn't full, it is easier to let negative thoughts take over and fall into negative habits (It's harder to smile when you don't feel happy). But when it comes to motivating my husband.. I usually try to love him more, so that he can love me more in return.


Page 17 I often ask husbands, “Does your wife love you?” they reply, “Yes, of course.” But then I ask, “Does she like you?” And the answer usually comes back, “Nope.”

7. I thought this was a healthy, challenging idea. Does your husband know that you like him? This idea actually motivated me to take the time send my husband a text that I liked him. I want him to know! I want him to know by what I say, but also by how I treat him. What do you think?

A. If someone asked me those same questions about my husband.. I would reply. "I know that he loves me, but he doesn't always like me." I'm sure he would reply in the same way. But the thing is.. I DO like my husband.. I am completely obsessed and infatuated with him! But still, he thinks that I don't like him. I need to learn to show him according to HIS love language (instead of my own).


8. On Page 18 Eggrichs introduces the concept of unconditional respect. Using 1 Peter 3 as an example, he explains that even an unbelieving husband needs a wife who treats him with respect, and the Word actually goes on to say that respectful behavior is one of the ways her husband will be won over to Christ. We will discuss it more in the following chapters, but do you agree with unconditional respect?

A. I believe that respect is a part of love.You can't have true love without respect. I believe in unconditional love.. and this love is shown by respecting my husband. When I show him love in this way (by respecting him) he feels loved (or, respected, in his mind). So, yes.. I agree.


love-and-respect-chapters-1-and-2

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So, our dyer is fixed! Aside from the dryer vent being re-routed to pour the hot air OUTSIDE inteaded of just dumping it between our walls like it was doing!

Does it ever end?

Our dryer has not been working for about a week now. We do not have a clothes line.. So, for the last 3 or 4 loads of laundry, we rigged up a shower-rod in the laundry area and I've just hung the clothes up on hangers on this rod for them to dry. Our A/C has been acting up lately. Our water filter keeps falling off of the faucet. The bathroom toilet was leaking (more than usual) for some unknown reason. We MIGHT have a rat or critter living in the wall behind our shower. My car, which desperately needs new brakes and a good check up, has been squealing and making funny noises lately. BOTH of our lawn mowers are not working. I keep finding more bugs inside the house. The last time I took trash to the landfill, my car had an AWFUL stench for the next few weeks.. and trash is piling up again. And that stray cat in our yard just KEEPS COMING BACK! ...lol. Ain't life wonderful!

I was dreading doing the dishes.. And I did them... And I was NOT happy about it, even after they were done! How pathetic is that?!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter!!!

There's a few dirty dishes on the counter, but I really don't feel like washing them tonight. But I will go move the clothes over to the dryer at least.. *sigh*

Another day; Another chance

I had really been slacking off on my housekeeping lately. Dirty dishes had stacked up for a few days.. and well... things just weren't the way they should be. I am home much of the time without obligations, so there is just no excuse for letting things get to the way they were. Besides pure laziness.. and complete lack of motivation.

Soo... I cleaned house for five hours straight today! I washed all dishes, put dishes away, cleaned counters, put laundry away, swept and mopped floors, vacuumed the entire house (except the "beast cave" and the currently occupied guest room), cleaned bathroom, dusted furniture, cleaned windows and mirrors, freshened up and made bed, and, and well.. little stuff here and there. I mean, it's certainly not perfect. This house still has a long ways to go. But, at least I feel a bit accomplished today.. maybe even slightly proud of myself, if that's allowed. If only I can keep this motivation every day!

What's for dinner?

Baked chicken and rice.. maybe some mixed veggies on the side.

I washed ALL the dishes today!
....And then there was dinner.

I'm feeling lazy today.. Just trying to stay awake until I go into work..

Can't stand the humidity, but loving the wind!

Happy Monday, everyone!!! I love Monday's because I get to spend the evenings enjoying our ladies Bible study group! :D

I practically shined my sink today! I mean, there's still a few dishes in it, but at least the outer rim is shiney. And the counter is finally cleared off! :D

Trying to figure out what to do with the rest of the day... Relax with this bag of sour gummy worms? Or get up and try to do something... like, more dishes?

I give up. I want a nap now...

I wonder if I can only post 160 characters from my phone... so I will test this out. I will write a somewhat longer post that is still less than 160 characters.

Test

I made dinner at least three times this week! Baked chicken and rice; my own version of quick 'n easy stroganoff; and chicken cordon bleu in a Crescent braid. This is an accomplishment, believe it or not! Not that I'm a horrible cook.. I just don't cook on a regular basis. I'm trying to get back into the routine. :)

GET REAL: On abortion

GET REAL: On abortion: "abor·tion (ə-bôr'shən) noun The termination of a pregnancy after, accompanied by, or closely followed by the death of the embryo or fetus; e..."

Poll results

Results from April's Poll:
"What do you plant in your garden?"

Beautiful flowers - 20%
Herbs to cook with - 20%
Vegetables... yummy - 40%
Everything! - 20%

I HOPE EVERYONE HAD A WONDERFUL SUMMER!!!

April's Poll

April's Poll is now available!!!
"What do you plant in your garden?"

Results from March's Poll: "What is your favorite part of Spring?"
Warmer weather... finally. -- 28%
New garden/ New life and growth. -- 28%
Easter (Christ's Death and Resurection). -- 14%
Seasonal clothes (Switching out or buying). -- 14%
Spring Break. -- 14%

March's Poll

Results from February's Poll:
"What is your favorite typical Valentine's Day gift?"
Chocolate/Candy- 12%
Love Letter/Card/Poem- 37%
Other- 50%

March's Poll is now available!
"What is your favorite part of Spring?"
Vote Now!!!

She calls out to you... Will you answer?

The Lord brought her forth as the first of His works, before His deeds of old; she was appointed from eternity, from the beginning, before the world began. When there were no oceans, she was given birth, when there were no springs abounding with water; before the mountains were settled in place, before the hills, she was given birth, before He made the earth or its fields or any of the dust of the world. She was there when He set the heavens in place, when He marked out the horizon on the face of the deep, when He established the clouds above and fixed securely the fountains of the deep, when He gave the sea its boundary so the waters would not overstep His command, and when He marked out the foundations of the earth. Then she was the craftsman at His side. She was filled with delight day after day, rejoicing always in His presence, rejoicing in His whole world and delighting in mankind.

February's Poll

Results from January's Poll:
What's your New Year's resolution about?

Self/ Spiritual improvement -40%
Being healthier -40%
Priorities/ Focusing on what's important -20%

February's Poll is now available:
What's your favorite typical Valentine's Day gift?

Where are the manly men?

...

"WHERE ARE THE MANLY MEN?

Although males have not completely abandoned the church, manly men have all but disappeared. Tough, earthy, working guys rarely come to church. High achievers, alpha males, risk takers, and visionaries are in short supply. Fun-lovers and adventurers are also underrepresented in church. These rough-and-tumble men don’t fit in with the quiet, introspective gentlemen who populate the church today. The truth is, most men in the pews grew up in church. Many of these lifers come not because they desire to be transformed by Christ but because they enjoy participating in comforting rituals that have changed little since their childhood. There are also millions of men who attend services under duress, dragged by a mother, wife, or girlfriend. Today’s churchgoing man is humble, tidy, dutiful, and above all, nice.

What a contrast to the men of the Bible! Think of Moses and Elijah, David and Daniel, Peter and Paul. They were lions, not lambs—take charge men who risked everything in service to God. They fought valiantly and spilled blood. They spoke their minds and stepped on the toes of religious people. They were true leaders, tough guys who were feared and respected by the community. All of these men had two things in common: they had an intense commitment to God, and they weren’t what you’d call saintly.

Such men seldom go to church today.

Furthermore, of the men who do attend church, most decline to invest themselves in the Christian life as their wives and mothers do. The majority of men attend services and nothing more. Jay is such a man. He’s in church most Sundays, but he’s not very excited about it. “I go mainly for my kids and my wife,” he says. “Church is okay, but it really doesn’t enthrall me like it does her.”

Who is being touched by the gospel today? Women. Women’s ministries, women’s conferences, women’s Bible studies, and women’s retreats are ubiquitous in the modern church. Men’s ministry, if it even exists, might consist of an occasional pancake breakfast and an annual retreat.

How did a faith founded by a Man and His twelve male disciples become so popular with women, but anathema to men? The church of the first century was a magnet to males. Jesus’ strong leadership, blunt honesty, and bold action mesmerized men. A five-minute sermon by Peter resulted in the conversions of three thousand men.

Today’s church does not mesmerize men; it repels them. Just 35 percent of the men in the United States say they attend church weekly. In Europe male participation rates are much worse, in the neighborhood of 5 percent. This hardly sounds like a male-dominated, patriarchal institution to me.

What’s worse, nobody seems to care about the absence of men. Have you ever heard a sermon on the church’s gender gap? I’ve never heard a pastor or church leader bring it up. Heck, I’ve never heard anybody bring it up. It’s just one of those things Christians don’t talk about.

"WHO’S TO BLAME FOR THE GENDER GAP?

For decades those few people who noticed the gender gap have assumed that men are to blame for it. Sometimes they are. Many men intentionally reject the Christian faith. Some men are proud and want to be their own God. Men hate to admit weakness or neediness. Millions are captive to sin, unbelief, and other religions that preclude commitment to Christ. Men get distracted by the concerns of this world and lose interest in spiritual matters. Men suffer abuse at the hands of church people and fall away.

But let’s be honest—women grapple with these same issues. Women are just as susceptible to sin, atheism, other religions, and pride. There’s nothing in the Bible to suggest that women are more virtuous or less sinful than men. Women are just as likely to have father issues or be victims of abuse. So why do women seem drawn to the church when men are not? What’s the difference?

Let me be blunt: today’s church has developed a culture that is driving men away. Almost every man in America has tried church, but two-thirds find it unworthy of a couple of hours once a week. A wise Texan once told me, “Men don’t go to church ’cuz they’ve been.”

When men need spiritual sustenance, they go to the wilderness, the workplace, the garage, or the corner bar. They watch their heroes in the stadium or on the racetrack. They plunge into a novel or sneak off to a movie. Church is one of the last places men look for God.

More than 90 percent of American men believe in God, and five out of six call themselves Christians. But only two out of six attend church on a given Sunday. The average man accepts the reality of Jesus Christ, but fails to see any value in going to church.

Men’s disinterest in Christianity is so consistent around the world, it can’t be explained by pride, father issues, sin, or distraction. Neither can we say, “Well, men are just less religious,” because this is untrue. Male and female participation are roughly equal in Judaism, Buddhism, and Hinduism. In the Islamic world men are publicly and unashamedly religious—often more so than women. Of the world’s great religions, only Christianity has a consistent, nagging shortage of male practitioners. What is it about modern Christianity that is driving men away? That’s the question I hope to answer with this book [Why Men Hate Going to Church].

...

"ABOVE ALL, DON’T DESPAIR!

As you read the dire statistics on male participation, don’t panic! This low ebb may be part of the church’s natural cycle. Over time the church tends to get out of balance and lose its masculine spirit. Then God raises a lion—a Martin Luther, John Wesley, Charles Finney, or Billy Sunday—to drag the church back into balance. The men return. The great revivals of the past three centuries always transformed large numbers of men.

God has balanced His church many times before. He will do so again. Our job is to confront the current gender gap for what it is: a strategy of the evil one to weaken the church. We need to understand what causes the gap and have the courage to remove the barriers that discourage and demoralize men. God will call men back to Himself. Will the church be ready?

Dream for a moment. What would church be like if the majority of the worshippers were men? Not just males taking up pew space, but strong, earthy men who were truly alive in Christ. Men who were there not just to please their wives, to fulfill religious tradition, or to go on a power trip, but men who were there to rock their world. Can you even imagine what that would feel like? Imagine what such a church could accomplish for the kingdom of God!

Impossible you say? Just read the book of Acts. The church was like this once; it can be so again."



Taken from:
Murrow, David. "Why Men Hate Church." CBN.com Spiritual Life. 2005. Web. 12 Jan 2010. "www.cbn.com/spirituallife/ChurchAndMinistry/menhatingchurch.aspx"

January's Poll

Results for Decembers Poll, "What is your favorite part about Christmas?"
Traditions and memories: 50%
Friends and Family: 25%
Giving to those in need: 25%

January's Poll is "What is your New Years resolution about?"
Located on the left side bar. >>>
Vote though January!!!

December's Poll

Novembers poll was: "What's your favorite Fall/Holiday season?"
Responses: 37%- Thanksgiving; 50%- Christmas; 12%- New Years.

Decembers poll is finally here! "What is your favorite part about Christmas?"
Vote through December!!!

November's Poll

Octobers poll was "What are you most likely to do in your free time?"
Responses: 83%- Curl up with a good book. 17% spend quality time with friends/ family.
I think it's awesome that almost everyone chose to curl up with a good book! It was by far my favorite one.. I LOVE to read!!

Novembers poll is out now! "What is your Favorite Fall/ Winter Holiday?"
Vote through November!!!